Wow, Dr. Lias did the one thing I was fearing he wouldn't do ... he put a lot of functional harmony questions on the theory final. Fuck. Well, I did my best to go above and beyond on certain questions ... maybe he'll be generous and give me some extra credit to cover up any other mistakes I may have made on those sections. Grarghfuck. (he asked for four Impressionistic techniques ... I gave him six. He asked for a D-octatonic scale and I gave him both kinds. Stuff like that)

Nyarghnf.

Luckily, I noticed a HUGE problem with my serial matrix before I turned in my test. God, that was like a heart attack when I noticed I had three G-sharps in a row (there's only supposed to be one per row).

Anyway. I think it is now time for a shower, a delicious sangwich, and a trip to the music office so I can give my recital recording to Dr. Gavin. I can't wait for it to be 12:30 tomorrow.

Cashew Smash!

I'm really worried about my Theory final tomorrow. I felt like it would be the easiest one, but now I'm all concernicus because it is quite imperative that I do a great job on this final. I'm mostly worried about how much traditional harmony he's going to throw our way. I kind of like this class because you could come in with no prior basis of functional harmony and still pass a test. And since we haven't reviewed tonal harmony in, oh ... three months? I'm really worried that the cumulative aspect will kill me deader than a very dead thing.

Afterwards is my organ jury. I might start freaking out tomorrow after the Theory final, but right now I am consumed by this huge wave of Not Giving a Flying Shit.

And another thing: Galactic (that's the band's name) is both good and bad study music. It's good because it's very smooth and tonal and there is very little that is offensive to the ears. Still, it's distracting because it is sexy as all hell. Yay for jazzy funk fusion.

And the new Black Rebel Motorcycle Club album kicks ass. Just saying.

Oh, SNAP. Richard Cheese did a swanky version of the Spiderman theme song.

Check it out here.

I love Richard Cheese. If I met him in person, I'd buy him a burrito.

This lifestyle I'm currently involved in has to stop. It seems to involve:

Studying until 3 am
Sleeping for four hours
Shotgunning an energy drink so that I don't fall into a coma
Subsisting off of one meal a day

I'm not sure I can handle it anymore. The old grey mare, she ain't what she used to be.

I can't fucking wait until finals are over.

I just got out of an organ lesson. I didn't practice as much as I should have, and now in order to kick me into overdrive he says that I need to play an organ jury. Yay, five finals instead of four.

Music History isn't kicking my ass, but I am slightly bruised from it. I'd be fine in Aural Skills if it weren't for fucking MacGamut. Theory should be fine, but I'm worried about how harshly he's going to grade my composition assignment. I know I got a decent grade on my piano recital, but I had to put a lot of stuff by the wayside to do that. Pedagogy is just annoying.

It's the right time for summer. But at any rate, if I just do this organ jury and prove to Unsworth that I'm not a total fuck-up, I should have at least a B in that class. The Music History exam IS open book, but I hear it's the hardest test he ever gives. I'll have to study that this weekend. I can't really study for Aural Skills, but maybe I can practice some stuff on MacGamut. I think Theory should be the easiest exam ... that's the first time I've ever said that ... and as long as I stick to the review on Pedagogy, I should be fine.

Deep breaths.

I will NOT sit inside and mope. That won't make me feel better.

Tonight, though, I will finish my listening journal, do two MacGamut assignments, and finish putting away all my clothes so that I can do laundry tomorrow.

Tonight is going well.

I feel like a bit of a fatty, but that's just because my monthlies are nearly upon me. I played in Chris Reeves' recital, which went well though his trombone player didn't show up (that was a real shame. I know that he was proudest of that piece). Then, I saw the jazz band and that was fab. Plus, they had punch and pie afterwards! It's the little things in life, really.

So now I'm drinking water and celebrating the fact that I don't have class until 3 tomorrow. 3 pm! I love tomorrow.

I tried to pick new music with Dr. Parr and I have a feeling he wants me to bite off more than I can chew. He didn't really like any of my suggestions. That's never happened before. Hmm.

Music for you cool cats out there:

The Bridge

This is a band based out of an old hometown of mine, Baltimore ... I've got one word, three letters for this band.

Yes. Yes.

Y-E-S.

If you like the jam band style, a cool and funky sound, brass instruments, and the general sound of AWESOME, check these guys out. Stat.

So here's the deal.

The recital went pretty well. A few parts were creative (such as the last two measures of my Bach fugue) but overall it was a passable performance. So thank god THAT'S over.

My self-esteem has shaky foundations. If I'm arrogant enough to think that I only have worth if I'm better than other people, then clearly I'm going to spend my life in a misanthropic, unhappy state. I won't ever be motivated to do shit. Why? Well, it's all gotta be perfect. I can't go with the moment because I have to second guess and analyze the moment until it's gone. Fuck that.

And I leave you with this quote:
"Frustrated rock musician with a messianic complex, armed to the teeth, and trying to fuck everything that moves. I don't know how to tell you this ... sounds like every one of my friends in Austin!" - Bill Hicks

Lesson yesterday, prehearing today.

I'm pretty proud of yesterday because my lesson went great. I did a lot of really good stuff and Dr. Parr said my program was in good shape. So that's great.

Today my prehearing was okay. Only okay. There are a lot of excuses; I had frustrating insomnia last night, my court date this morning kept me from warming up, but none of those excuses are really good. I only kind of rocked and I didn't bring the thunder and I kept losing my concentration and making stupid fucking mistakes.

I know I have the potential for greatness. I just can't seem to bring it out in public. And what good is potential if you can't even make it a decent product after seven years of training?

So I'm kind of bummed right now. I'll be fine. The only consolation I have is that it could have gone a lot worse. I'll be silly and charming later.

Have you ever had the kind of insomnia that's just frustrating? Like, you start feeling angry at yourself because you can't go to sleep? Meh.

Class and practice this morning, then lesson and teaching and more practice this afternoon. Tomorrow's the real kicker, though:

9: Court Date
11: Prehearing
12: Cello studio
1: Convocation
3: Pedagogy
4:30: Organ lesson

Afterwards I'll be practicing MORE and feeding my malnourished body. However, as a brain vacation I figured I'd see a seven o'clock show of Blades of Glory. I think what my mind needs is some good old fashioned silly Will Farrell fun.